Prayers needed

We head to North Carolina on Thursday and we really need some prayers. I'm nervous about how I'm going to emotionally handle this trip. I'm also nervous about my little girls' hearts, and their healing. I do think this trip is needed. Anna's family has been such a support to me, and I think being close to Anna's loved ones and visiting her resting place is something she would want. It gives me comfort to do something that I think will make her smile.

Lots of emotions going on, always missing my beautiful friend, and always aching. Thank God for my 3 littles who can show me the sunshine in life every day.

Here is Brianna who is very much her father's daughter...she breaks out Nelson's dance moves and will leave you smiling...

Birthday Post!

I am officially 30!

Some of my closest friends met me in Vegas to bring in this new decade in style! Alison came from Hawaii, the other Alison from Washington, Kyle and Robert from New York, Sabrina from North Carolina and then Theresa, Andy, Cortney, Nelson and me from Florida! I even had some close friends who couldn't make it to Vegas, I am so absolutely blessed to have the people in my life that I have. You get to a point in your life (well, some people do) where you have to decide who is right in your life. When you pass the days of partying every weekend (hmm, well, that was never me), and you want your friends to be good role models to your children. Where quality out weighs quantity. I truly feel like I have the world's bestest best friends. I have felt that way for years. I am very picky about who I let in my circle, because why mess with a good thing? I have the perfect circle of friends, and if I let you in you know it's because I think you are pretty awesome.

We all met for lunch to kick of the trip at Sugar Factory!

Vegas was awesome. Limo rides, partying at one of Vegas' newest nightclubs-we were on the VIP list!, frozen hot chocolate, dancing and laughing, there was just so much fun. One of the highlights for me was Saturday night. We all met in Kyle and Robert's suite (seriously they got upgraded because the room they booked wasn't ready)...bedroom, living room, dining room and 2 bathrooms!!! Well, all 10 of us were sitting in a big circle eating pizza, drinking pineapple and malibu (birthday girl's favorite) and other drinks, and answering questions from a barguments app on our phones. It was so fun hearing my friends laugh and share and just be together. We were all dressed up and went out afterwards...just loved all being together. Anna was VERY very missed. She would have LOVED the trip. There were many times I brought her up, and I felt like I was making people uncomfortable. For me though she's a part of my every thought, and all my past memories, so it's inevitable that she'll be brought up. I also don't want her life to be forgotten, so I talk about her often. My actual birthday once I returned home was almost more difficult without her. She always made such a big deal about my birthday, and not getting a phone call from her and hearing the joy in her voice was heartbreaking.

Saturday night~loved our together time

I decided that I wanted to do something big for my big 3-0. So, I donated 10 inches of my hair to locks of love. Cancer has affected SO many people I love...so, this was something small I could do for a child who has suffered from this horrible disease. Anna knew I was planning on doing this. I decided around the 1st of the year that I would do this. I love that we had talked about it. I hope from Heaven that she sees what all is going on and is seeing the daily kisses my kids and I send up to her, but, I won't know until I'm there what all she sees. So, it comforts me that when she was here we talked about this. It's really difficult for me when things arise that we haven't talked about. We talked about everything. At least a dozen times still during the week I ache to call her. I pray she can see what all is going on from her place in Heaven. At least I am confident about her joy in Heaven, and that is able to give me comfort.

Before and After :)

3 months

This weekend has been especially difficult. I miss Anna so much. She loved the 4th of July. She got engaged over the 4th of July weekend. She loved family get togethers, being with friends, laughter, fun, fireworks...all the things you think of on the 4th. On top of that it's exactly 3 months since her passing.

My Nannie's birthday was July 2nd. My Nannie is my Mom's mom. She passed away in 1998. I was 16. I was very close to her and had a lot of memories with her. Crazy that I had more years with Anna, 18 years. Not enough time with either of them. Nelson and I went to Brandon where my Nannie and Grandpa Tucker are buried. I never got the chance to meet my Grandpa Tucker (my Nannie's husband, my Mom's dad). He passed away in 1968. We brought flowers, and prayed, and sang Happy Birthday to my Nannie and my children's Great Grandma. They call her Great Nannie...which she would have absolutely loved. She would ask my siblings and me to call her beautiful when we entered her room. No modesty there :).

Check out Joshua running away thinking we were at a park. It was kind of nice to have him lighten the mood. Children are really really good at that.

At the end of the month we head to North Carolina to visit with Anna's parents and Shawn and pray where Anna's body was laid to rest. I wanted the girls to know what to expect so going to the cemetary in Brandon was good. They had A LOT of questions, and their vision of what it was going to be like was gruesome and I think they were relieved when we got there. Brianna got a baby wipe and was vigurously cleaning her Great Grandparent's stone and wanting it to be perfect for them. Mikayla didn't want to leave when it was time. I think she felt closer and a pull to the Great Grandparents she's never met. I'm hopeful that they have a good, healing experience like this when we visit their Aunt Anna. I'm worried about how I'll do with my children there, but praying I can keep it together as well as possible. In the morning when I wake up on the 4th I know Anna will be my first thought like every morning...and I will celebrate with my family and some friends with her close to my heart all day. So very thankful for my beautiful best friend and the example of a kind, loving, giving, forgiving, Christ loving person she was.