Missing Anna so much. I don't want to turn 31. I want to stay 30...like Anna. It hurts knowing I will turn 31, and she didn't. It hurts so much to have another birthday she's not here for. We LOVED celebrating each other's birthdays.
Th summer after our 12th birthdays. We were at each other's 12th birthdays...We have been friends since we were 11...20 years ago.
Anna and me at Catawba for her 21st birthday...10 year ago.
Anna and Me in Tampa for my 21st birthday...10 years ago.
Anna always made my children's birthdays SO important. Here she is with her Goddaughter on Brianna's 5th birthday....almost 2 years ago.
I feel like I've been a hermit, and a life once filled with color is bland now. I try SO hard, especially for my family to give them what they need...but, it's exhausting. The hurt is so strong, and missing Anna is so hard. I can't imagine ever losing anyone else. There are definitely highs and lows. Some days I'm okay...happy, and life is good...but, Anna was so entwined in my life that I have memories every where, and so it's like a constant ache that never goes away. It's only been a little over a year, and I don't expect a grief fairy to just sweep on in and heal me...but I sure am praying for the Lord's peace and comfort. I know it's only through Him that this will get any better.
Totally not where I expected to go with this post. I was going to write about politics, and the recent health reform bill (hahaha). I actually thought about Anna here, because we never really saw eye-to-eye when it came to politics, but she was so gracious about my beliefs and listening and not ever saying how what I feel is wrong, just letting me know what her view is. Then, I was going to write about just celebrating my 9 year anniversary last month, and how blessed I feel. I also was thinking about how I FREAKED out when I saw all the school supplies out in Target. We are separating the girls for the first time in 1st grade, and I'm way more nervous then them. Luckily they are both getting used to the idea. Brianna wants us to practice "alone school"...hahaha :). Not to mention my boy will be away from me for the first time besides being with my mom or sister (only 2 days of preschool in the morning)! YIKES! Maybe I'll get into all those topics another time...too emotionally exhausted after the way this post went. I am a better person for knowing Anna and being a part of her family. (Brianna actually said today Mommy it's like you have 5 sisters and 3 brothers...Aunt Cortney, Aunt Anna, Aunt Sara, Aunt Alison and Aunt Alison and Uncle Ricky, Uncle Joe, and Uncle Kyle). Oh, she is right. I'm grateful for my chosen family and real family :). Anna Katherine will forever have such a special part in my heart and I hope we can celebrate birthdays in heaven...because that will be an amazing celebration one day.
