Love

I feel like I'm good at love. I know pain, and I don't like it...and I know how to take painful moments and make them meaningful. I went through a lot when I was little, that most littles shouldn't/don't go through. Don't get me wrong. I have wonderful parents, and my mom tells me I taught her what love is. I did have a good childhood...but, there were painful times. Through those painful times I grew, and I made it my mission to love hard, and to never give up on those I love.

Sometimes loving so much is hard. Mostly though, it's good. It's rewarding, and fills my heart, and I hope I am filling other's hearts. I will fight tooth and nail for the people I love, and I'm so grateful for the family and friends I have.

Well, today, I honored Anna like it was my job. There were tears, okay...at some points sobs, but, I also laughed telling funny stories about my memories with Anna. I smiled as I watched my kids and my best friend, Sara's son, jump waves.

I dressed my kids for a day about Aunt Anna. Brianna in a pink tee with hearts, and Mikayla in a green tee with hearts (Anna's favorite colors), and Joshua was in a shirt with a pterodactyl...Nelson and Anna had the funniest pterodactyl impression. Me? I had a shirt with a heart and a beach scene. Perfect, huh?

I found these pink roses with a tint of green in them. Anna's favorite! I went in the laundry room to get a vase, and I pulled down the one with a cross...Anna sent it with beautiful flowers when we lost our baby. It was gut wrenching putting flowers in the vase that she sent because she was mourning my baby with me, and now here I am mourning her for the past year.

Sara, Dan and Evan came over and we ordered Hawaiian pizza...Anna and my favorite pizza. We then went to the beach. We attempted to send up sky lanterns...but apparently me, and sky lanterns don't mix well. It was too windy and we couldn't get it lit, or going the right direction. So, we jumped waves the way Anna's Granddaddy did with her, and Anna did with my girls. The girls helped Evan and Joshua and will teach them about jumping waves, and carry on this tradition. Anna showed us she was with us when there was a dolphin so close to shore that popped up. We watched it for awhile in awe. The kids were soaked head to toe, and I didn't even mind. We were honoring Anna, and Anna would have loved it. I hope she's able to see us from heaven.

I love how my family has traditions, and we have fun all the time. I love how my children knows what matters. I love how honoring their Aunt Anna was a special time, and that this is something that we will continue to do, and I hope when my kids have kids they continue this. It's not a tradition I ever would want, but it is what it is, and there is NO way I will ever let Anna's memory get lost. So, honoring her in this tradition, and sharing with my family memories, and things she loves will continue. Every day I talk about Anna to my kids, and even Joshua who lost his Aunt Anna at just 17 months old knows who his Aunt Anna is. Always choose love. A very difficult first anniversary ended with joy and love for Anna. We miss her so much, and are so grateful for all her love and memories that will fill us for a lifetime.