Growing Up

I had two baby showers this past week to go to. Which has led to lots of talk amongst the girls. Mikayla asked me if I would make my muffins for her baby shower. Then, told me she knew I would get her the very best gift. Brianna asked me if I'd play her Selena CD at her baby shower. They also have been busy planning their weddings. Mikayla's getting married first, and wearing my dress, tiara, and make-up. Then, passing it down to Brianna, and Brianna's going to wear all that, and my shoes. It's funny now how excited they are about it, but in 20 years or so when I bring it up I'm sure they are going to want nothing to do with Mommy's dress....let alone both of them wearing the same dress.

Mikayla Belle and Brianna Grace :) (Brianna's holding "Ulla")

The other day Mikayla told me she doesn't ever want to leave home. So, her husband's going to sleep on our couch, and her kids will be in the guest room, and she'll be in her bedroom with her sister. Too funny! Nelson's never slept on the couch to illustrate this to her, but my girl already knows she deserves the bed ;)!

(Daddy's Mini-Me :) )

Joshua had a nose running like a faucet last week, so we haven't really been out and about like usual. Starting today though we are very much back at our fast pace lifestyle. We are going to a pumpkin patch tonight and getting candy apples beforehand to do some fun fall photos. Then, tomorrow the girls have a Noah's Arc parade at school, and I'm taking them to a party in the afternoon. Saturday a fall festival, and Sunday trick-or-treating. Lots of fun!

(I was going to crop the baby out of this since the girls look cute-but this picture's been my reality for the last week. A baby with a cold=no fun.) So glad my family is back to feeling better!

Brianna Grace

Brianna,
Seriously, stop growing up! I can't believe my baby girl is 5!!! You are the perfect combination of your dad's sense of humor, and your mommy's sensitive side. When you've been overly sensitive, you manage to crack a smile, and make everyone laugh and I forget about you being whiny because something had bothered you ;). You remember EVERYTHING, and if Mommy is wondering about where we last went, or what we needed from the grocery, or who came over a year ago...you know. You are such a fun loving girl.

You definitely need more cuddles, and more sleep...but, you, like your sister, worry about everything being equal. This has definitely been the year of equality ;)! You love God, swimming, dancing, music (you know all the words to so many songs! Even ones on the radio!), Selena Gomez, Phineas and Ferb, Disney, planning things, your family, your friends-and so much more!!

You make me smile constantly, and I love seeing you with your sister and brother. You keep count of how many hugs and kisses your brother gives you a day and LOVE being his big sister. You and your sister can get on each other's nerves, but you adore her, and hate when you are away from her. You two only call each other, "sister", and your imagination is amazing! You are so creative and love pretending with baby dolls, playing school, or with your barbies. I love you baby girl and I'm so proud of you!

Love,

Mommy

(Brianna's self portrait ;) ) You'd think there's always a camera pointed on her or something-LOL!

Mikayla Belle

Mikayla,
My sweet girl. How are you already five?? You like to tell people you broke your bag and you were ready to enter this world, and that's exactly how it happened. 6am, October 9, 2005 I rushed around since my water broke. We got to the hospital, and they said only baby A's bag was broken. You were ready!! You've always been like this. Very ready for new things. You are excited about new adventures, and usually head into things with your head held high! You have a great spirit.

You are a great big sister, and the way you talk about your brother is so sweet. You love your sister very much, and you two have an incredible bond. Though you also enjoy alone time. You love Jesus, and recently told me, "Mommy, I'm sorry, but, I love God most". I told you how happy this made me, and how proud I am that you love Christ. You learn so much everyday. Your questions are getting more difficult for Mommy, but we get through them together :).

You love deeply, and get your feelings hurt if things aren't equal....from time with Mommy to how many M&M's your sister got. You love music, dancing, dressing up, Disney, trips, Selena Gomez, Camp Rock 2, your family, your friends...everything!

You are a very girly girl and were most excited about your boots you just got for your birthday. You crack me up! I love seeing your personality shine through, and the joy you bring to everyone, especially Mommy and Daddy! I love you Mikayla Bobayla!

Love,
Mommy

Happy Birthday, Son

Dear Joshua,

You turn one today. To say that you have blessed my life beyond words this year is an understatement. You came at such a time where Mommy and Daddy needed you so much, and wanted you beyond belief. God blessed us so much when we found out in February '09 that you were on the way!! Everything about your arrival was perfect. I went in knowing I needed another C-Section. I prayed hard that you would be able to room-in with me, and go home with me, and you made sure all those things happened! You were a perfect newborn. You nursed like a champ, and we made it all the way to 9 months!! You had your own plan as far as sleep goes :). You co-slept for the first 6 months, and then we got you in your crib and you did great after that. Every milestone is met with just joy and you make us so proud. It's also a little bitter sweet, because we try and soak it all in, and know that since you are our last baby everything you do will be the last time we get to enjoy it. So, son, it's ok if you want to wait awhile on getting bigger :). You took awhile to crawl, and mama got worried...but everyone assured me you were perfect. Once you started crawling you were unstoppable, and I realized God wanted me to have more time with a non-mobile Joshua since mobile Joshua would give me a run for my money ;).

You are such a light to all you meet. You radiate joy and your smile brightens any room. You are a little flirt! You are so funny. You are also so particular about family. You are willing to give your charming smile, but you don't like being held by anyone until you are absolutely sure of them. Right now only Mommy, Daddy, sisters, Grandma and Aunt Cortney make your list of people you don't get fussy for :).

Your favorites are hugs and kisses and cuddling (Mommy loves this too!!). You love anything orange. You love tossing balls back and forth to anyone who's willing to toss them back your way. You love pulling yourself up on everything. You are such a speedy crawler...and will probably be running in a couple months. You love spaghetti, cheese, turkey, lasagna, bread, bananas, sweet potatoes, carrots, peaches, pears, yogurt, oatmeal, and your "ba ba". We have recently tried cows milk and you are not a fan. Hopefully, you grow to love milk like your sisters. Your sisters make you laugh all day long, and you adore them. You are equally a Mommy and Daddy's boy. When Daddy gets home from work you are giddy and immediately crawl to him and put your arms up for him to pick you up. It's truly the cutest thing ever. You love Gymboree, and have been going for about a month. A lot of the kids are walking already (it's a class for 10-18 month olds), and you crawl over to something you can hold onto, and you'll stand there holding on with one arm and look around and it looks as if you are saying, "Look! I can be upright too!". You love our routine, but you are such an easy on the go baby too. You are so smart, and handsome and loving.

I love you little man, and am so grateful to be your mom. Thank you for one of the best year of my life (and the fastest!).

Happy Birthday,
Mama

I LOVE October

Seriously the weather has been amazing. Friday we headed to Disney and it was the perfect day. If I could bottle our emotions while we are there and suck them in when the girls are whiny or the baby won't nap, or all 3 wake at 6 am I would be refueled and full of joy. Yes, it's that good when we are at Disney. The girls' first trip to the Magic Kingdom was full of amazing moments 4 years ago, and Joshua's didn't disappoint. He was as ecstatic, and interested and perfect. Even during the probably-shouldn't-have-taken-the babe-on-this-ride ride(Pirates) he was wonderful. He clung to me, and then halfway through went to Nels...never made a peep, but buried his head a couple times. My kid only cries if he's tired or hungry...he's just such a happy boy.

The girls had such a great time, and the 3 kids and I venured around for about an hour solo while Nelson coordinated a closing from the Mouse's house. The girls went on splash mountain twice! The first time with me, and then later in the afternoon with Nels. I didn't know if they'd back out right beforehand, if they'd hate it, or if they'd love it. Well, they LOVED it. They squeezed my hands, and told me not to let go...then, as we went up, and then down they both looked up and said, "I want to go again!!". SO CUTE!

Joshua surprised me with how much he loved the characters. He especially loved Jessie from Toy Story. She was making kissing sounds from behind her mask, and everytime he giggled. He also loved Pooh and Tigger. We ended the night at the Crystal Palace where we had dinner with the Characters from Winnie the Pooh. The girls thanked us a couple times for such a great day...it was really sweet how grateful they were. Brianna told me it was the best day of her life ;).

We enjoyed the rest of the weekend, too. Did lots of running around for last minute birthday preparations. Went to a fire station open house. Church, our sunday night tradion of going to Louis Pappas' (kids eat free) and they have the best chicken slouvaki ;). Great weekend. I am really really looking forward to this week when my children turn 1 and 5...an emotional week for sure, but full of excitement, happiness and fun!

Lots and lots

So, our lives are always crazy. We always have so much going on here, and then I get behind in writing on here--and when I have a chance there's so much to write about that it's a bit daunting. Well, tomorrow we head to Disney and I'm ecstatic. I remember when we brought the girls when they were 12 months, and how electric everything was. Their eyes lit up over everything, and seeing the awe in their eyes was A-Mazing! We brought them back at 18 months, and it was even better. They were running at that point, and to see them laugh and the joy this magical place brought them made me turn into one of those crazy Disney people. Well, maybe not....but boy do I love Disney with my family. It'll be Joshua's first time (he's been to Epcot and Animal Kingdom, but we've been saving the best for his birthday :) ). We are going to get the big cheesy birthday pins for all 3 kids, and soak up the excitement around us. It's a Small World is closed until Nov., boo, so the classic disney ride will have to make it's mark on my boy in December when we head back for Disney at Christmastime. The girls are going to go on Splash Mountain tomorrow for the first time, well, as of now they are. Daily it changes due to their nerves ;). We'll see. I'm just so excited to be with my family of five in the happiest place in the world!

Ok, I have a boy who's sick of the toys I gave him, and needs to be put to sleep. What a week we have ahead of us!!!

Living with a loss

It's been almost 2 years since we lost our sweet baby. Last night I had a major catharsis over it. There should be disclaimers on shows if they bring up miscarriage, or D&C's....and last night on Gray's Anatomy they talked about both. For 12 weeks I loved our baby and thought about his or her future. I will always love our little bean. I wish I had known if it was a girl or boy. The Dr. hadn't planned to test my placenta until he saw it and then had suspicions it was a partial molar pregnancy. He didn't tell me it was sent in until I came back for my check up 2 weeks later. I wish I had known so I could have asked for them to see what the gender had been.


I have an ultrasound from 10 weeks where our baby looks like a perfect 10 week baby. I put it in a photo ornament and we put it on our tree every year. 2 months after our loss it was healing to have my baby on our tree and a part of the holidays with us. Last year it was painful. I wouldn't have Joshua if we hadn't lost that babe, and he truly was meant to be with our family, but he doesn't replace the sweet baby we lost.

There is a Mom in my molar group (a group of women who have all had complete or partial molar pregnancies who talk and can relate to one another), she had a complete molar pregnancy-had cancer from it had to go through 2 rounds of chemo and radiation...only to have another loss after she waited a year that is mandatory after a cmp and then got pregnant again and at 19 weeks just lost her baby boy. So so tragic. There is a group of us who do big group messages about every other day who went through the molar together, and then all went on to have healthy babes. They are such a blessing to me. My "molar girls" as I affectionately call them are possibly going to try and all get together in NYC next May. I don't know if it's in the cards for me financially, but I would love for it to work.


I try and look at what God was showing me, or the silver lining to it all, and of course Joshua and the bonds I made with these amazing women are wonderful blessings because of something so terrible. However, I just don't understand why babies are made and have beating hearts, only to not survive. I do know that our loss changed me. I don't bring up babies now with people...well, people I don't know well. I will never ask someone if they are going to have kids or anything baby related because you just don't know what they have been through. I'm more aware of everything that can go wrong. When I was pregnant with the girls I was nervous about ttts (twin to twin transfusion syndrome), but other than that I had a blissfully ignorant pregnancy. Then, I had pre-eclampsia and they were early...and I was more aware how incredibly unbelievable it is when things go perfectly in pregnancy because there is so much that can go wrong. With my pmp pregnancy I felt from day one that something was off. Maybe that was God trying to guard my heart. I will never forget all that we went through, and there are days I don't think about it...but boy when the pain hits me again-it hits hard. Today I will be praying for all the families with angel babies. This post went off on a lot of different tangents...if you've followed me this far, thank you.