Well, here we are, the babe is 9 months old...and there have been big jealousy signs from Brianna. She has come out of nowhere and pulled Joshua's hair, or yelled at him, or take away a toy for no reason. Then, today she came up and told me she wanted her brother to go because I don't want her anymore. This absolutely broke my heart. I got down on her level and told her how wanted she is, and how much I love her. I told her anytime she feels that way to tell me and I'd hold her or make time to have one-on-one time for her. I told her that I know brother takes a lot of time, but that doesn't mean she isn't as important to me. The balancing act can be such a struggle. I've always since day one of becoming a Mom made it a priority to give my girls equal time/say I love you to the other if I said it to one/and it was, more so, easy to be equal between them because they were the same age, and did everything at the same stages...but when I'm feeding the baby and the girls want to play a game and I can't, or the girls want to play with dolls with teeny tiny parts with me, and the baby is up and playing and can't have teeny tiny parts near him, it just gets so hard sometimes. I feel myself constantly torn-trying to keep the baby happy and the girls' wants/needs met. It's easy when Nelson's home. We tag team well, and are a really good team with our kids. I know that this struggle will not last long...with most things with children it'll be a phase. Soon enough I'll be making 3 of the same meals, and can just sit and talk to them and enjoy them instead of worrying about the baby choking, having to hold the spoon, all while the girls are asking me a million questions that I just can't answer at the moment. Soon enough, all 3 will be running around together giggling and brother will no longer be a bother, but will instead be a best bud. Soon enough, I will be sad because I won't have a bottle to feed the babe, and I won't have a 4 year old who desperately wants to cuddle.
Brianna does usually adore her brother, and she never wants him to be sad (even with the hair pulling...she felt SO bad after she did it). She loves him so much, and her anger is not at him. Just at change....boy are my girls SO much like me. Worries me some ;).
In other news...boy oh boy does Joshua have a new found temper. It's driving me a bit batty. If he wants something, he wants it NOW, and shrieks, makes fists, his face gets beat red...it can be over food, a toy, wanting to be picked up, anything. He is easily calmed down, but I don't know how I'll get through this phase-someone reassure me it is a phase! Ha! I worry too that me quickly handing him what he wants to get him to stop screaming is making him think this is what he should do to get what he wants. When he does this at lunch I do the signs for more and please, and quietly say no yelling, Joshua. I put my finger to my mouth and say shh...so he gets that I don't like the noises he's making...just hoping sooner than later he gets that these outbursts aren't OK.
He does laugh when I laugh...which is a deep down belly laugh, that the girls never did often. Joshua does it all.the.time. It adds years to my life, truly. He is now a belly sleeper and rock star roller from his back...so I think all of our work with him is paying off. He wants to be standing all the time, and walking holding our fingers. He is constantly reaching for our fingers so that he can go. He constantly acts like a little old man in a pint sized body. He cracks me up. I love my kids so much. Tonight at dinner I paused and soaked all three of them in. The girls weren't arguing, the baby was OK, when I was shoveling food in his mouth, and they were all these perfect little people whose big issue today was that they wanted me....how blessed am I?
If you got this far...thanks for reading tonight's super long post ;)
Mabel has been quite the hysterical screamer lately, herself! I hope this is a phase! :) Can't wait until our babes can just TELL us what they need.
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