Anna and I in 2002 in Asheville at a Better Than Ezra concert. We are both wearing sign language "I love you" charms that we got each other.
When we were in middle school and high school I would complain about my freckles, and she would tell me how she so wished for freckles when she was little. She told me how beautiful my freckles are. My girls count their freckles and are thrilled when they notice a new one. I think of Anna and how she made freckles sound beautiful. That's how my little girls view them. I feel so blessed to have had a best friend who always was so good at making me feel beautiful and worthy. I pray I am that kind of friend, and that I teach the girls how to show those types of characteristics.
Anna and I in Salisbury for her 21st birthday
Laughter was huge in our relationship. We laughed all the time. I loved when Anna found something so funny that she couldn't talk, and it was just this deep belly laugh. I can picture her face right now with her eyes closed because she's laughing so hard and her smile is so huge. Our friendship was so full. I hate that there won't be more of those moments. I find myself just getting angry and unbelievably sad about Anna missing things. I have to keep telling myself that she is with us, just not in the way I imagined. I also have to keep reminding myself that she is full of joy, and that's all I ever want for her.
Anna in 2002
I've suffered with a terrible headache the past couple days and Brianna asked me countless times yesterday if I felt better. I finally realized she was scared. So, I said I will be fine, and that I want to be here to see her grandchildren, and Mommy prays that we'll have a very long life together, and I don't want her to worry about anything. She said, "If something does happen who will take care of me?" Dagger to the heart. I told her she didn't need to worry about that, that Mommy was going to do everything I'm suppossed to do to live a healthy life. She saw her Aunt Anna as full of life, and nothing wrong. Anna went to the doctor when she was suppossed to, and yet still her time on Earth was cut short. I hate that we are still waiting for that definitive answer, and praying it's not inconclusive. I think just having the WHY will answer so many unanswered questions.
Anna has always been a constant in my life for as long as I can remember. I don't really remember much of my childhood...my earliest memory is from when I was about 8. That's why I think scrapbooking is so important to me. I want to document and remember everything. Anna was my best friend for 18 years. She's in every one of my scrapbooks, and one of the main people throughout the pages. As I was working on my scrapbooks it was killing me that her bright smiling face wouldn't be there in future scrapbooks. So, I have decided I'm going to get a symbol, I'm thinking a butterfly sticker, to put on every other page or so to reflect Anna throughout my scrapbooks. I'll write on one of the pages that the butterfly represents Anna. This will be a good way to have her memory carry on as these scrapbooks are passed on in my family. It'll also be a way for me to have a sweet reminder of Anna when I'm looking back at something that I think she should have been at and it'll remind me that she is there with us. She had this butterfly shirt in high school that she loved. She was so gorgeous that she could pull it off....I could never pull of this shiny completely covered in butterflies shirt. I will look at the stickers and remember...
Anna in 1999
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