Week 2

Well, the girls love kindergarten. Mikayla has made so many friends (9 to be exact). Brianna is proving to be more shy. She always plays with her sister and a certain boy she talks a lot about. She said she doesn't know how to get the other kids to play with her. Whereas, Mikayla just walks up and says, "Hi! Want to be my friend? What's your name by the way? Haha! I think Brianna will be fine once she gets to know everyone better. She's not a wallflower, but just takes time to open up, like her mama. It's cracking me up to hear them talk when they come home. They both play safety patrol when they come home, and act out what the patrols do. They dream about being safety patrols when they are in 5th grade. It's so cute!! They have been absolutely exhausted once they do get home. My girls were still taking naps, and now with only 30 minutes to rest it's taking a toll on them. But, boy I tuck them in at 7, and they are silent! Open House is tomorrow...can't wait to hear how their day is going!

I have been feeling really sad lately (not that I'm not always missing Anna), but, I think the days are harder with the girls in school. It's quiet a lot. Joshua is busy, but he's not a big talker, or much of a conversationalist...so, there's a lot of quiet. It's deafening with my every thought missing Anna. I so miss the girls' constant chatter to keep me afloat. We send kisses to heaven, something Brianna started, and now when I tell Joshua to give his Aunt Anna kisses he looks up so sweetly and blows kisses heavenward. It's such a bittersweet thing to see. My children will always have their Aunt Anna's love, memories and stories to fill up their heart. I cling to our memories, but I so wish I felt like my heart wasn't missing so much.

Kindergarten letter to my baby girls

My dearest Mikayla and Brianna,

When Mommy and Daddy decided we were ready to be parents (well, mostly Daddy since Mommy has always dreamt of being a Mommy!) we prayed and prayed that God would bless us with a daughter or son. We joke that we wanted to be parents so badly that God gave us both of you at one time-twins!! Every moment since that day in February when we found out I was pregnant has been such a blessing.

June 16, 2005~We found out you both are girls!

You entered the world early surprising Mommy and Daddy and ever since that Sunday morning on October 9th you have been surprising us! You surprise us with how smart you are, how funny you both can be, how loving, how stubborn, how silly, how giving and how sweet you both are!

Month old sweet babes

We are so blessed with family who loves you dearly, and you both even have Aunts and Uncles who are Mommy and Daddy's friends, but they are like our family. Mommy and Daddy don't have big extended families and we are so grateful for all the love and people around you who care about your hearts.

My sweet girls

One of the people who loved you both so much and continues to love you from Heaven is your Aunt Anna. You girls have endured more than any five year old should. Right after you turned three the baby brother or sister that you were so excited about went to Heaven. You grew up a lot that fall. The questions about Heaven and God and our baby were hard for Mommy and Daddy, but we were proud of you for asking and loving the sibling you will meet someday in Heaven. You grew up even more this spring when you had to deal with losing the Aunt and Brianna's Godmother who has been there for you since you were growing in Mama's belly. I tell you now that you have the best Guardian Angel ever, and girls, it's so true. It's still a daily struggle for Mommy facing each day without your Aunt Anna, but I get strength from you. You two are strong and brave and your hearts are huge...thank you.

August 2010...Brianna and Mikayla with their Aunt Anna and her Buddy dog

You became a big sister 3 days before you turned four. I have never seen two sisters love their baby brother like you two do!! Joshua will never question how much you two care about him!! I am so thankful for you both and how you have been so understanding when the baby was needy and Mommy wasn't able to do as much as I did before Joshua was born. You two showed us how you were turning into big girls! Joshua now tries to be just like you both!! You are his Iss, and he loves dancing with you, reading with you, building towers, going swimming, and making desserts with his big sisters!

September 2010~sweet siblings

Oh boy, have you two enjoyed some exciting trips in just five years!! We have traveled to North Carolina (your first trip when you were 6 months for Aunt Anna and Uncle Shawn's wedding). We then went to New York City when you were 22 months old. You went to the American Girl store, and had a tea party, to Central Park, Times Square, saw Uncle Kyle, and went to the zoo, Empire State Building, and lots of fun with your family! We went to Seattle when you were 2.5 for your Aunt Alison and Uncle Bob's wedding. You both were their flower girls! It was so fun!! We toured Seattle, and enjoyed being with all of Mommy's closest friends! When you were 3 we went to Niagra Falls and on our way to Canada we stopped in Hershey, PA and then Jamestown, NY to visit with the Petscher family!! It was such an incredible trip! When you were 4 we went to North Carolina with your Grandpa, Grandma, Aunt Cortney, Uncle Joe and Uncle Ricky. We then, stopped by Aunt Anna's, and headed to Savannah, GA on our way home. This year we went back to NC for some much needed time with Aunt Anna's family. We also have been to Disney World so many times I've lost count! You two love the magic of Disney and I absolutely love seeing your eyes light up every time we go!

Mikayla, Aunt Anna, Aunt Sara, Aunt Alison, Mama, Aunt Alison and Brianna in Seattle 3/2008

August 2010 in North Carolina with all of my family

Oh girls, I could go on and on...I love you so much and am so proud to be your Mommy. It's very difficult after having you home with me for almost 6 years to let you go off to school. When you went to pre-school at St. Ignatius Early Childhood Center and then Pre-K at the Robin's Nest it was only until noon and you would come home and eat lunch with me, and take a nap. Now, you are big girls and will eat in a cafetaria (Mommy can't wait to visit you at school and have lunch with you! I love how excited you are to eat at the picnic table outside reserved for when someone from your family visits you!) and you will have rest time at school. I'm going to try to make our afternoons together very memorable. I'm hoping we survive homework. I have learned while you were in Pre-K that you don't like having to do work at home! We'll get through it together and I know you will be great!!

April 2010



May 2011

Mikayla Belle-You are so much like me and I pray that you stay strong in school and that no one hurts your feelings. I also hope that when you see others hurt that you are a friend to them. You love to learn so much and tend to pick up new things quickly. I pray your teachers push you because you tend to get bored quickly too! I can't wait to see how you do in kindergarten and I especially can't wait for you to read me a book! Daddy and I tease you about how you are such a chatterbox, and a time keeper and I think these things will help you to be a creative writer, and good at math! I can't wait to see what your strengths are in school! I love you, my mini-me, and can't wait to see how you grow this year in kindergarten.

Brianna Grace-Oh, my sweet Bri Bri, you act very strong and get very quiet when you get upset and I pray that at school you can let your teacher know if you are upset and that you can speak up for yourself. You have always felt so deeply and are very cautious about other's feelings. It's such a beautiful trait, and I think you will make so many friends at school because of it. I can't wait to hear about all your new friendships. Your memory is amazing, and I can't wait to hear all the new sight words you learn and hear you start reading!! You also are great with addition so I think you got Daddy's math skills! I love you sweet girl and am so excited to see you grow this year in Kindergarten.

Love always,

Mommy

Summer '11

How is the summer almost over? I can't believe my girls have been home with me since the end of May and now we have a week left until kindergarten. Then, our lives will be ruled by the school calendar...dun dun dun.

We have had a good summer. Went by super fast. Joshua learned to swim. Mikayla and Brianna enjoyed time with friends and family. We had beach days, playdates, day trip to Downtown Disney to see cousins, trip to NC, Nelson and I celebrated 8 years of marriage. I turned 30 and Nelson and I got to get away for the weekend with close friends. The girls got to have lots of one-on-one time which is difficult to make time for during the school year (but, we are going to try and make sure it does happen). Joshua's sense of humor really came out this summer. He's such a ham!! Mikayla got her hair cut short (which her new teacher said she absolutely loves that their hair is different!) Brianna's patience with working on activities has gotten better. Before she'd just do it to finish it, and not work on something to take time on it to make sure she's proud of it...and now she's taking more time and pride in her work. The kids played a lot together which I absolutely loved to see. Joshua now wants to do EVERYTHING they do, and eat everything they eat, and he walks around like he's 5 too! It's been fun seeing this transformation. I feel like the summer has flown by. I hope things slow a bit. I want to fully enjoy their first year of elementary school. I am so proud to be their mom. My next entry will be a letter to my girls about heading to kindergarten. Oh, the places they'll go!

Our trip/almost 4 months

I can't believe on the 4th it'll be 4 months since we lost Anna. In some ways it seems like I just talked to her, and other ways it feels like it's been years that I've been aching for her. We had a nice time in North Carolina with Anna's parents, and got to see her husband one day while up there too. Since we had the kids with us we had to sprinkle in some fun since the trip was full of tears, memories and lots of too-big-for-littles stuff. We went to a hands on museum that the kids LOVED, and a nature center that Nan and Steve used to bring their kids to when they were little. We also went to a splash park, two other local parks, and Joshua's highlight of the trip was the time with Buddy (Anna's beloved dog) and Skip their other dog. We spent a lot of time together enjoying just being together. I loved being with Nan and Steve and felt connected to Anna being close to them. Seeing Anna's eyes when Steve would smile, and Nan's smile looking just like my beautiful friend's. It was definitely difficult, but needed for me too. I spent a lot of time where she is laid to rest. I went twice with Nelson and the kids, and twice with Nan and Steve (Shawn came with us one of those times too). This was where I felt a pull to. It may not make sense, but to put my hands on the grass above where her hands are was important to me. These were the hands I held so many times, and the body I embraced for more than half my life. So, hard, yes, but good, yes.

At a local park...my girls could stay on the swings all day, and loved that Nan and Steve were happy to push them!

My kids adore Nan and Steve and really enjoyed themselves. This was important to us and I'm glad they did. When we said good bye at the cemetery we went around and prayed and Brianna said,"God I'm so glad Aunt Anna was here on Earth, I wish she could have been here longer. She was the best Godmother and I love her." It was beautiful. If I hadn't already been sobbing this would have made me. Such grown up thoughts for such a little person.

My precious 3 at the Western NC Nature Center

I have a close friend going through big life stuff and I worry about her littles and their hearts throughout it all, and I think about all my kids have seen and I just pray we are all doing the right things to shape these little people. I want my kids to be considerate, empathetic, loving, charitable, sensitive, strong, confident, cheerful, happy, joyful, Christ loving, and an example of Christ. I felt like ALL weekend I was reminding my girls to use their manners....something Joshua does without being told for the most part! Nan said many of her 5 year olds at the school go through the same thing and she remembered having to tell her own children often to say their pleases and thank yous. It made me feel good that this was normal, and they will learn!

(I love that I caught this moment-there were a bunch of kids on this stage "performing" at the kids museum, and the girls were brave and asked the older kids if they could do a dance alone, and the big kids were so sweet, and said, "Sure!". So, the girls were giddy that they got the stage to themselves, but nervous too! They looked at each other and it was as if they were giving each other the courage to do it! I so love having twins.)

20 days until KINDERGARTEN!!! The girls are growing so much. Articulating their thoughts so well, and they are so inquisitive!! Joshua is almost 22 months!! He's SUCH a happy boy, and sweet and loving. He's starting to talk so much more, and is so independent and stubborn! I'm really loving this age. I think I love it so much because he can be independent but I also get a lot of snuggles from my baby. I can't believe in just two months we will be celebrating M and B's 6th birthday and Joshua's 2nd birthday. I can't believe how it's just around the corner!