Our trip/almost 4 months

I can't believe on the 4th it'll be 4 months since we lost Anna. In some ways it seems like I just talked to her, and other ways it feels like it's been years that I've been aching for her. We had a nice time in North Carolina with Anna's parents, and got to see her husband one day while up there too. Since we had the kids with us we had to sprinkle in some fun since the trip was full of tears, memories and lots of too-big-for-littles stuff. We went to a hands on museum that the kids LOVED, and a nature center that Nan and Steve used to bring their kids to when they were little. We also went to a splash park, two other local parks, and Joshua's highlight of the trip was the time with Buddy (Anna's beloved dog) and Skip their other dog. We spent a lot of time together enjoying just being together. I loved being with Nan and Steve and felt connected to Anna being close to them. Seeing Anna's eyes when Steve would smile, and Nan's smile looking just like my beautiful friend's. It was definitely difficult, but needed for me too. I spent a lot of time where she is laid to rest. I went twice with Nelson and the kids, and twice with Nan and Steve (Shawn came with us one of those times too). This was where I felt a pull to. It may not make sense, but to put my hands on the grass above where her hands are was important to me. These were the hands I held so many times, and the body I embraced for more than half my life. So, hard, yes, but good, yes.

At a local park...my girls could stay on the swings all day, and loved that Nan and Steve were happy to push them!

My kids adore Nan and Steve and really enjoyed themselves. This was important to us and I'm glad they did. When we said good bye at the cemetery we went around and prayed and Brianna said,"God I'm so glad Aunt Anna was here on Earth, I wish she could have been here longer. She was the best Godmother and I love her." It was beautiful. If I hadn't already been sobbing this would have made me. Such grown up thoughts for such a little person.

My precious 3 at the Western NC Nature Center

I have a close friend going through big life stuff and I worry about her littles and their hearts throughout it all, and I think about all my kids have seen and I just pray we are all doing the right things to shape these little people. I want my kids to be considerate, empathetic, loving, charitable, sensitive, strong, confident, cheerful, happy, joyful, Christ loving, and an example of Christ. I felt like ALL weekend I was reminding my girls to use their manners....something Joshua does without being told for the most part! Nan said many of her 5 year olds at the school go through the same thing and she remembered having to tell her own children often to say their pleases and thank yous. It made me feel good that this was normal, and they will learn!

(I love that I caught this moment-there were a bunch of kids on this stage "performing" at the kids museum, and the girls were brave and asked the older kids if they could do a dance alone, and the big kids were so sweet, and said, "Sure!". So, the girls were giddy that they got the stage to themselves, but nervous too! They looked at each other and it was as if they were giving each other the courage to do it! I so love having twins.)

20 days until KINDERGARTEN!!! The girls are growing so much. Articulating their thoughts so well, and they are so inquisitive!! Joshua is almost 22 months!! He's SUCH a happy boy, and sweet and loving. He's starting to talk so much more, and is so independent and stubborn! I'm really loving this age. I think I love it so much because he can be independent but I also get a lot of snuggles from my baby. I can't believe in just two months we will be celebrating M and B's 6th birthday and Joshua's 2nd birthday. I can't believe how it's just around the corner!